a.t. Furuya has been on an angst-filled journey since childhood.
After years of mental and physical distress, Furuya said they can finally define who they are and what it took to get to what they describe as their authentic self.
"I did not know there were different ways to … express yourself."
a.t. Furuya, identifies as non-binary
"I did not not know that there were different ways to identify to express yourself and so I just accepted what I was told," said Furuya. "So it was kind of like, 'oh you're a tomboy, or you're rough, and you're not feminine' … but even that expression didn't necessarily make sense of what was happening internally," they added.
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NBC 7 first interviewed Furuya, who uses they/them pronouns, back in 2017 when they changed their gender legally. At the time, California became the first state in the country to allow a non-binary gender marker on birth certificates and other legal papers.
The bill (SB-179) was passed into law six years ago and was authored by State Senator Toni Atkins (D-San Diego). Non-binary describes a person who identifies neither as male or female. Furuya also changed their female-sounding first names to "a.t." to reflect the non-binary identity.
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On a recent Sunday, NBC 7 spent the day with Furuya to get their perspective on the ongoing struggle to achieve gender and sexual diversity.
Furuya shares their home with their partner Dominic De Los Reyes, who identifies as he/them, their 80 year old "Auntie Joy" Furuya, who has onset dementia, and Furuya's mother, Kim Tiffany and their three playful dogs.
"When I came out, my Mom didn't know everything. She didn't understand … my sexual orientation and my gender."
a.t Furuya
It wasn't until their twenties when Furuya said they felt suicidal that they told their mother about their need to express themselves as they are.
"When I came out, my Mom didn't know everything. She didn't understand pronouns and she didn't understand my sexual orientation and my gender. I think it made sense for her like, 'OK, looking back on your life, totally makes sense.' But it was still an adjustment," explained Furuya.
Furuya's mother, Kim Tiffany said she wishes her child had come out sooner so she could have supported them through the journey and has words of advice for parents experiencing the same issues.
"... instead of shaming them or belittling them, try to understand and help them to become the person that they feel they need to be."
Kim Tiffany, mother of a.t. Furuya
"As far as parents, if they don't know what's going on with their child, it's a matter of understanding of where their mindset is. And instead of shaming them or belittling them, try to understand and help them to become the person that they feel they need to be," said Tiffany.
To help others making the transition, Furuya is the executive director of Transform Together along with their partner Dominic De Los Reyes who is the managing director. Together, they help people through counseling, coaching and other services.
Furuya recently graduated with a Masters Degree in Educational Leadership from San Diego State University and spent years working with youth in various programs and was invited to speak at Harvard University with their students.
Through Transform Together, the couple provides LGBTQ+ training for several major organizations and businesses from the NBA, WNBA, Discord to San Diego public schools, just to name a few.
De Los Reyes, who's been married to Furuya since 2018, also helps administer weekly testosterone shots to Furuya to treat their gender dysphoria.
De Los Reyes said their lives are extremely fulfilling and just like other families, they share the same life concerns as serious as caring for their Auntie Joy to what seems like the simple pleasure of a dishwasher.
"A lot of it is kind of just like letting people be … I also think it is important for us to find a sustainable way of doing it to keep our own quality of life," said De Los Reyes.
"I feel powerful in who I am..."
a.t. Furuya
Furuya is in a good place, saying "Where I'm living, I feel grounded. I feel powerful in who I am and I feel like I want to be here and then I want to live my life -- and that was a struggle before."
It's been a life-long journey for a.t. Furuya but now, they say they are better equipped to help others navigate through their own journey to be their authentic self.
