You might have far less time than you imagine to make a first impression. People make judgments about ability, trustworthiness, competence, and other traits in as little as a tenth of a second, research shows. 

Whether someone makes up their mind within the first second or the first five minutes, that perception can linger. As the saying goes, you won't get a second chance to make a first impression. 

Hardly seems fair, especially since the consequences can be huge — like not getting a job you want or missing out on a second date with an exciting prospect. So how do you make sure that first impression is a good one? 

By having the mental strength and discipline to use one super-effective strategy when you're meeting someone for the first time: Concentrate on them, not you. In other words:

Be interested, not interesting

I'm not saying be dull — but focus on showing how interested you are in what the other person has to say versus trying to be dazzling. 

People sometimes believe they need to redirect the conversation back to themselves in an effort to impress. But that can have the opposite effect. Public speaking and communication experts have found that people tend to like it when you ask them questions and follow-ups. Deeper questions tend to make both partners in an interaction feel more connected. 

It's about trying to create a warm, memorable conversation that makes the other person feel cared for. In my experience, almost everyone likes to talk about themselves or a topic they're passionate about if they sense the other person is truly interested, which makes this strategy work in nearly every situation. 

The bottom line is that you can "push" the wrong first impression by placing the spotlight on yourself and trying forcefully to be impressive. Or you can "pull" the right first impression by drawing conversation out of the other person with a sense of care and emotional intelligence. 

It pays to "pull" rather than "push." Here are three simple steps to follow: 

1. Listen with laser focus

Listen as if nothing else matters besides what the other person is saying. Don't feel like you have to interject all the time to make insightful points.

Don't try to be witty or right. Don't spend the time they're talking crafting what you want to say next. Just listen, breathe, and be genuinely interested. 

If your mind wanders, acknowledge it, then nudge yourself to return to listening. For example, as I share in my recent book "The Mentally Strong Leader," you can use listening mantras. When you catch your attention wandering, say to yourself: 

• "Zone in, not out"
• "Run your mind, don't let it run you" 
• "Be mindful, not mind full" 

You can set yourself up for focused listening before you even approach someone with another strategy I describe in my book: the wet sponge method. If you find yourself going into a conversation distracted, imagine a sponge clearing away stray thoughts first so you can dive in with a clean slate. 

2. Ask good questions and follow-ups

Asking follow-up questions in particular shows that you're listening closely to what the other person is saying, appreciating it, validating its worth, and demonstrating that you want to know more. It helps keep the conversation moving and fosters a sense of connection and warmth.

A good question is one that:

• Builds on a detail someone shared, showing that you're actively listening
• Feeds your curiosity about the topic, further indicating your genuine interest
• Draws on your knowledge to dig deeper into a topic the other person cares about, like asking in a conversation about productivity, "I read that the technique you're referring to has been around forever, but is just now resurfacing — why do you think it's making a comeback?"
• Gives the other person a chance to field a question they would enjoy answering, like one that would require them to share more of their insight or experience

Indicating your interest can even be as simple as saying, "Tell me more about that," or "What happened next?" 

3. Mind your visual and verbal cues

Don't underestimate the power of the things you're doing in addition to the words you're saying. 

You can show that you're listening and interested by maintaining eye contact, nodding, tilting your head or leaning in while your partner is talking, or paraphrasing what they said and asking for confirmation. 

You can also subtly mirror your conversation partner's body language, facial expressions, or vocal patterns to project your empathy, respect, and desire to make a connection. 

Scott Mautz is a popular speaker, trainer, and LinkedIn Learning instructor. He's a former senior executive of Procter & Gamble, where he ran several of the company's largest multi-billion-dollar businesses. He is the author of "The Mentally Strong Leader: Build the Habits to Productively Regulate Your Emotions, Thoughts, and Behaviors." Follow him on LinkedIn.

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