She thought she found love online but ended up getting tens of thousands of dollars stolen. Sergio Flores with NBC 7 and Telemundo 20 Responds shares her story and some red flags to look out for to avoid getting into a similar situation.
Valentine’s Day was different for a victim of a romance scam.
“I liked the way he was treating me. He made me feel happy,” said Martha as she recalled the strong connection and love she felt for a man she met online a year ago.
She asked NBC 7 not to use her real name. Nobody in her family or circle of friends knows she sent $32,000 to whom she thought was the love of her life — a man who claimed to be a San Diego architect working overseas in Poland.
“No, I don’t want to tell anyone. I don’t think so at this point,” Martha explained, referring to the shame and foolishness she felt in believing someone she never met in person.
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She recalled that they met through a dating app. At first, they had a casual online friendship. It slowly turned into much more than that, more intimate and trusting.
“I miss you so much amor, I hope you are looking after yourself,” read one of the hundreds of text messages she received from the person who had a hold of her heart.
She explained he had trouble accessing his bank account and needed her help to keep his business afloat. She sent him money multiple times to show she was there for him.
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In January, she says it just became too much. She finally cut him off.
“I have so many emotions together. I don’t know if I miss him, but I feel frustrated because I trusted him,” she said while her eyes were welling up.
Ally Armeson, executive director of the Cybercrime Support Network, has seen this play out many times before.
“This is a terrible crime that affects their mental health,” she said.
She further explained that romance scams are methodical and patient in developing a bond that’s hard to break. It looks to gain gradual access to a target’s heart — and their money.
“The first thing to understand is this was a relationship. It was a criminal who was lying the whole time, but it was still a relationship,” explained Armeson.
A months- or even years-long relationship that at some point starts asking the victim for money while gathering personal data.
According to the San Diego County District Attorney, romance scams stole more than $1.3 million from local victims in 2023 alone.
“All of that information goes into the dark web, and now their cybersecurity is completely ruined, and their identity is stolen,” Armeson said.
Red flags
She shared the following red flags of someone likely pulling at your heartstrings to pull money from you:
- Refuses to meet in person (an excuse seems to always come up)
- Asks for money (gift cards, wire transfers, cryptocurrency)
- Isolates victims from family and friends (may badmouth those, warning victims to be careful or say to stay away from them)
“Why should I tell my kids about my boyfriend or relationship if he was not here?” Martha asked.
According to Armeson, victims of romance scams tend to not respond well to friends or family judging what they feel for someone they’ve never met in person. She recommended a different approach if someone you know tells you about an online romance.
“Just say, ‘Hey, this sounds amazing, and I want this for you. I want this love for you, but I’m a little concerned because you haven’t met him in person. And I know that’s a red flag, so let’s do some investigating together,'" Armeson said.
The Cybercrime Support Network has a wonderful has a website called fightcybercrime that provides resources, information and a support group for victims of romance scams.
The San Diego District Attorney's Office also gave a few tips on how to keep yourself and your money safe from a romance scam.
AARP also offers tips and a helpline (877-908-3360) to talk with a trained specialist who will guide you if you're not sure if the love you found is real.
NBC 7 asked Martha what she missed the most: the money that was taken from her or the love she felt.
Martha stayed quiet for several seconds, then answered in a hushed voice, "I would say the love.”
